'I was completely floored': After 20 years of estrangement, entitled mother contacts daughter asking to meet her grandchild, daughter refuses, leading to a family dispute

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Sep 3, 2024 6:00 AM EDT

If there is one thing that the younger generation is doing right, it is the fact that they do not take lightly the idea of becoming a parent. It seems like young adults these days understand that becoming a parent is a huge responsibility, which not everyone is capable of committing to. So instead of insisting on bringing children they are not ready for into the world, they wait until they know without a doubt that they are ready.

When people do not wait until they are ready, cases like the one in this Reddit story might happen. OP's (original poster) mother walked out of her life 20 years ago when OP was only 9 years old. Since then, OP has grown up, gotten married, and had a child. Now, out of the blue, OP's mother contacts her and asks her to reconnect in hopes of meeting her granddaughter, but OP firmly refuses. OP's husband is left to mediate the situation, but he is not doing a very good job…

Scroll down to read the full story. After you are done, for some lighter content, click here for a funny collection of relatable memes.

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  • 01
    MOHT "I ripped up the letter and tossed it to the trash" 640 вул жина
    via Roman Koval
  • 02
    AITA for Refusing to Let My Estranged Mother Meet My Child After She Abandoned Me 20 Years Ago?
    via Designer-Sundae6793
  • 03
    I'm (29F) really struggling with this, and I honestly don't know if I'm being too harsh. When I was 9 years old, my mom just up and left. No warning, no explanations
    via Designer-Sundae6793
  • 04
    -one day she was there, and the next, she was gone. It completely shattered me. My dad did his best to pick up the pieces and raise me on his own, and we've been super close ever since.
    via Designer-Sundae6793
  • 05
    For years, I didn't hear a word from her. I tried reaching out as a teenager, desperate for answers, but she never responded. After a while, I just stopped trying. I
    via Designer-Sundae6793
  • 06
    figured she didn't want anything to do with me, and I tried to move on. Now, fast forward to the present -I'm married and just had my
    via Designer-Sundae6793
  • 07
    first baby, a little girl. It's been amazing and overwhelming, and I'm really trying to be the best mom I can be. But then, out of nowhere, I get a letter from my mother. She somehow found out
    via Designer-Sundae6793
  • 08
    I had a baby and is now asking to meet her. In the letter, she apologized for leaving all those years ago, said she had "personal reasons" (which she didn't bother
    via Designer-Sundae6793
  • 09
    to explain), and claimed she's changed. Now, she wants to be a part of my life again—especially since I have a child. I was completely floored. After 20 years of silence, she suddenly
    via Designer-Sundae6793
  • 10
    wants to play grandma? I was so angry I ripped up the letter and tossed it in the trash. When my husband found out, he said maybe I should at least hear her out, that people can change, and
    via Designer-Sundae6793
  • 11
    maybe it would be good for our daughter to know her grandmother. But I just can't see how I can trust someone who abandoned me like that, and I really don't want her around my daughter.
    via Designer-Sundae6793
  • 12
    Since then, she's been trying to contact me more-sending more letters, emails, and even showing up at our house once. I've refused to talk to her and made it clear she's not welcome in our lives.
    via Designer-Sundae6793
  • 13
    But now, my husband and even some of my family are saying I'm being too harsh. They think I should give her a chance, that it's not just about me, but also about what might be best for my daughter.
    via Designer-Sundae6793
  • 14
    I feel so torn. Part of me is still that hurt little girl who was left behind, and I don't want anything to do with her. But another part of me wonders if I'm letting my anger get in the way of what might be right for my daughter.
    via Designer-Sundae6793
  • 15
    Maybe they're right, and I'm just being too stubborn. So, AITA for refusing to let my estranged mother meet my child after she abandoned me 20 years ago? Should I let her back in, or am I justified in keeping her out of our lives?
    via Designer-Sundae6793
  • 16
    Kragg_hack 3h ago • Nope, you don't need to let her into your life unless you want to. Tell her that action have consequences, and she could choose to abandon you. She
    via Kragg_hack
  • 17
    claims she had reasons, but I doubt they could would heal your wounds. Now, if you want to hear her reasons, ask her to write them down. But in no way do you need to bring more pain into your life.
    via Kragg_hack
  • 18
    INFP4life 3h ago NTA and your husband needs to remove his head from his and take your side. If having a daughter of his own has made his less sympathetic to your position rather than more so, that is a serious problem in itself.
    via INFP4life
  • 19
    Quiet-Hamster6509 • 3h ago She's in contact with your husband behind your back. NTA this isn't his choice or anyone else's. Don't be afraid the threaten to cut others off if they persist.
    via Quiet-Hamster6509
  • 20
    Onlyheretostare ⚫ 3h ago Abandons her family then after 20 years doesn't even have the decency to explain her self. I would make it clear to anyone
    via Onlyheretostare
  • 21
    trying to pressure me to make contact with that woman to back off immediately. NTA, your husband should have your back on this.
    via Onlyheretostare
  • 22
    BigEasyh 3h ago NTA, have a discussion with your husband about if he even loves you. Obviously you already know the right answer when dealing with your "mom" but what I find more concerning is your Husband's blatant disrespect for you and your experience
    via BigEasyh
  • 23
    • StnMtn 1h ago NTA. Listen to your heart.
    via StnMtn_

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family drama aita drama mother wife grandma reddit story grandchildren husband family grandparents daughter Reddit married parents children
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